I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
