Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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