you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
