it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
