I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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