Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
