I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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