sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
