On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
