dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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