I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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