Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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