don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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