Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
