You made me cry and you don't even care
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
