Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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