Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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