The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
