I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
