My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
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