this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
