I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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