I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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