gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
