i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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