@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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