Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
