We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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