i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
