The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
