I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
