Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
