ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
