I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
