It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
