Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
