Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
