I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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