Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
