Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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