I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
