stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
