So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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