Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
