You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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