I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
