well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
