she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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