I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
