New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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